An Epiphany. Warning: Contains volatile emotional stuff ;)

[DW_KarmaKat]

I had a little epiphany last night….

First part…Jumped into the middle of Ahebban (about 22 minutes into a 41 minute game) last night playing on Red. About 10 minutes into my round, I get switched to Blue. It happened so fast that I don’t know if I died and respawned or just got dumped over to the other team. In any event, it momentarily disrupted my train of thought (read that as old fart brain cells not coping quickly with change!). Tried to get back on Red..no joy there. So I went ahead and played out the remaining 10 minutes or so on Blue. In between maps I commented that I hated getting swapped in mid-game. There followed this comment directed to me from a player I won’t name: “what difference does it make, you don’t impact the game”.

That felt about as good as a heavy boot to the head. I’m a reasonably calm person (most of the time), but I went ballistic when I heard that. I swear my blood pressure must’ve gone up about 20 points in two seconds. I wasn’t entirely sure why it affected me so abruptly. I do know that I disconnected and shut down the game before I managed to open my mouth and insert my foot (score one for a least a small bit of rational thought).

I started thinking about what was said and why it bugged the hell out of me for hours! Then it clicked in! I realized the reason behind my turmoil. Persecution for being geeky girl all through elementary and even into junior high school. Kids deliver some pretty unkind cuts and this person isn’t any different than those 7 and 8 year olds I had to deal with sooooo long ago. I didn’t have life experience back then, I do now and I wish I could post here a quote from Kurt Vonnegut’s “Slapstick”…not gonna offend sensibilities… (it has to do with flying, doughnuts, and the moon…google it!) that I’d wish I’d told this person at the time. I feel sorry for him in a way…and a little disturbed that someone presumably an adult or near adult can still possess that kind of mentality. Really a weird experience for me, having that stuff surface from so far back.

Well…I know I should have stayed on the server and politely told him to get stuffed. I didn’t….but I will…if necessary, next time!

Ya see…the other part of the epiphany I had was that I know it makes a difference, to me, on what team I play. Maybe it’s the people, maybe it’s tactical, hell…maybe it’s even because red’s my favorite color! But it’s my choice…after all. And as for not impacting the game….there’s lots of things people don’t know about each other. Life hands out difficulties in a seemingly random order. In my case, age and gender are the least of what’s been portioned. However, I have been given gifts as well…love, humour, laughter, fun, books, friends, music, games (it’s a large list!) and somehow they manage to overcome the difficulties, most of the time. Please know that no few of those gifts I have found here. I may not impact the game, but the game has most certainly impacted me. My profound thanks to you all!!

I know I’m a very average player…some days a lot worse…some days I manage to even surprise me! I’m not likely to make any huge improvements…in a flip play on words, Groucho Marx once said, “Time wounds all heels.” So it goes with me. Not quite old as dirt…(Cheapshot you may have me beat on that count…just a little bit!)…not quite as young as the new day.

Thanks for putting up with me….thanks for listening.

KKat

[DW_Ifondlesweaters]

Yeah, next time don't hold back and tell him to take a flying f*** at a rolling donut. Don't sweat the douchebags...everyone who plays impacts the game (although it can be for the better or worse, but in your case, it's for the better. You know this, we know this, and the douchebags know this. It's just that sometimes the douchebags are overtaken by their love for themselves and they end up spurting out things that they don't even know they're saying. And that's why I'm grateful for the mute options. And next time you kill this said douchebag, be sure to rub it in his face that he was fragged by a little ol' lady :)

[DW_WailofSuicide]

I remember Ivan saying that too, which is pretty funny because he's not even one of the top players on the server. Maybe above-average, but he doesn't really affect the game either. I'd rather have a few average players with good attitudes and sportsmanship and desire to help the team than a bunch of self-important commando players.

PS. Didn't even know you were a chick, cool.

[DW_Cheapshot]

If there is a next time and the DWs are in the game let us know. Would be fun
to have a DW fest all over his butt. Im sure Sweaters would join in.
You are always welcome in the game. Us oldens have our place and
duties to perform in the game. One kill you have changed the game. Cheapshot :violent1:

[Bean]

It is frustrating when people act so childish... Don't take it to heart KK. I've always enjoyed playing with you and you DO make a difference. If it was who wailofsuicide said... I loathe him!!! I've never liked playing with him because he always picks on somebody and has to argue with his team (especially when Vic plays). Don't fret the small stuff and just keep doing what you've been doing. Let us know who it is for sure and next time we can all frag the crap out of him!

:spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2::spam2:

[KarnEvil9]

KK de KE I know the feeling all to well, thats why I like this group, I am always treated by the regs as if I do effect the game. Hell, last night we came back to win after a bunch of folks bailed cause we were one node left and looosin so bad, and corny as it sounds, because of a positve attitude in my ear I not only felt like a real part of the team but we freekin' won! I always find it an honor to play with/against you, and get one heck of a charge if we all enjoy, so to steal someone elses words...buck up soldier and next time spawn kill the squeaky little bas@#rds so the go back to their gameboys where they belong! There is too much fun to be had here to let em get ya, and as always thanks for the game! KE

[Namu]

The moment you mentioned that statement Ivan came to mind. People like him are just winey little bitches who plaque are lives in some way. I have never heard that 10 year old say anything other than bitching comments of hostile remarks. However, when ever that name pops on the screen my entire mission of saving the world ends for a brief 5 seconds. I take my flak gun and shoot it up his ass and then melt it shut with my lightning gun so he walks around in the same manner that his personalitly expresses.

I have become quite worked up at times by these people, but I rember it is a game and it is probably some 11 year old with shitty parents. Then I feel sorry for the kid for having parents moronic enough to let he/she play the game at such a young age. (Even worse are the kids who are so damn good b/c that is all they do). They'll end up sueing some game company later in life and give Jack Thompson an orgasm.

Btw miss ya Sweaters, we have an entirely new Vent server, so get on it!!!!

[Gorzakk]

---Freakout---

Next time just own his arse.

[kaeolian]

Forget him KK you do make a diff in game, at he end of the day its people like him that dont make a difference because no one wants to play with him.

Next time tell him where to stick it and if he doesnt know you can stick ure rocket launcher there for him so he wont forget again :blackeye:

[DW_Ifondlesweaters]

Hey Namu,

I tried the new Vent server, but no dice. Still real choppy with that Codec or something. I think I've tried everything possible to fix it. The strange thing is that if I connect to Whurl's old clan Vent server that uses a different version of the same codec, my Vent works fine.

I'm stumped and my computer illiteracy is shining through. :sad1:



:snipe: